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Lama Sabachthani- by Reinesha Jarman


Lama Sabachthani

 One more. 3 shots. One life. 
One law. Two men. One’s rights. 
Gone. 

Endless tears. Heightening fears. Safe places. 
None. 

God’s peace. God’s grace. God’s favor. 
Done. 

—
I am numb. 
There are far too many words that I can say, but none will be heard. All will be analyzed. None heeded. 

I am reminded of our savior’s cry “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani? that is to say, My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?”
‭‭Matthew‬ ‭27:46

There is a deep seeded fear to be the “perfect” black citizen. To neglect the beauty in my culture. To keep myself safe. To change my vernacular. To be acceptable. To be wholesome. If not, it is to lose one’s life. 

Lama sabachthani?

Where did He go? Why is this happening? Again. 
Why don’t you love my people? Why don’t you make them love my people? Why must we defend ourselves in life and death? Why must we die?

Where do I find peace in this? Where do I find joy? God, where are you?

Lama sabachthani?


Reinesha Jarman has been a member at Northside for four years (just a little MIA for in the middle). She is currently pursuing her MSW at USC with a specialization in Adult Mental Health and Wellness and Military Populations

Comments

  1. Sara KennedyMay 9, 2020 at 4:05 PM

    Sweet sister, I am so grateful for you, but confess that I fall completely mute before the questions you raise. Thank you for the gift of raising them in this vulnerable lament, and for the gift of YOU in our church family.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Zoe BastardiMay 10, 2020 at 8:31 AM

    Rein, thank you for such a raw and healing post.
    Romans 12:15
    "..., and weep with them that weep."

    ReplyDelete
  3. Chris and LoriMay 10, 2020 at 6:56 PM

    Rein, you leave me speechless. Thanks for sharing your words of truth and vulnerable questions. I am so thankful for you.

    ReplyDelete
  4. LexyMay 12, 2020 at 6:17 AM

    Love you so much, Rein. So thankful for you.

    ReplyDelete

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